You may kiss your…

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I swear I love my people. I really do, but we as a human race are some of the most backwards ass thinkers.

Now for this particular topic, I think we can differentiate between races. So speaking solely about black ppl:

Why won’t we kiss someone we’re dealing with?

We can and will, get / give head from / to another person (speaking of random interaction – aka – non committed relationships)
We can and will, get down with and up in a person … some are even reckless enough to do so unprotected*

But we won’t kiss them or allow them to kiss us?

A friend of mines posed this question to me the other day in regards to her beau. She spoke of how she’s an avid fan of kissing, yet her man is not (he said he’s more of the “let’s just get into whatever we are about to get into” type of dude). He in fact is so much of a non-fan of kissing that it borders on a level of discomfort (feeling wise) when she kisses him. So what is a girl or guy to do in a situation like this?

Now in my opinion (please correct me if I’m wrong), kissing is viewed as the most intimate of acts. If you stop and think about this, it further shows how ass backwards our thinking is. What should be more intimate? Placing your lips on someone elses or penetrating/being penetrated by someone. DIGRESSION. So yeah, I totally get the thinking of not wanting to just kiss anyone. Again… ASS BACKWARDS but I get it. My question is, why not? Is there any other reason outside of an issue mentally? Do we think that if we kiss someone we are not in a relationship with, that we will send mix signals to that person that we want something more? That we ARE something more? And who came up with this BIZARRO-world way of thinking in the first place?

It takes only a second to give someone a peck, yet to engage in the act of a deep embrace and kiss someone, that involves a certain degree of emotion. And even a level of thinking to a degree. Is that it? Is random sex such a carnal act, that we basically isolate it in our own minds as just that? Just the animalistic part of our DNA making itself known… and our gesture of appeasing that? Or is it something else, something more?

When you think about kissing someone: your significant other, your FWB/CB/Jump-Off/insert your choice of label – what do you think? Why do or don’t you? How does it make you feel (when you are or aren’t kissed)? What does a kiss mean to you? What does it signify? Are you a fan of it or not?

And in regards to my girl where I got this topic from: what would be your advice to her?

What say you?

13 thoughts on “You may kiss your…

  1. I am a very big fan of kissing, no matter where its being layed…lol…I know a few guys who are like that…and to this day, I do not know why…kissing to me is a VERY intimate thing and will always be part of the bedroom activities before AND after….that is all…

  2. oh…and to the girl whom you got the topic from….if she can’t with the fact that her mate won’t kiss her….then maybe they are not ready for that next level, whatever it may be…

  3. Yeah so I will begin with your friend. Being in some sort of relationship with someone and being unable to enjoy kissing them is not to be taken lightly. It seems that either she has to give up her love of kissing or he has to agree to be kissed. If she can be happy without it, then they may be fine. Otherwise, they may not be. I would recommend that they have a serious discussion to try to understand each other’s pov so she will come to see why he is uncomfortable kissing (in my experience, there can be a variety of easily resolved factors) and she can explain to him what kissing means to her and why she enjoys kissing so very much.

    Some men don’t like kissing because they think they look stupid doing it (because they have watched others and think it’s a silly look) or because they have been told that they are not “good kissers” or they feel like they don’t know how to kiss…the list (true story) goes on and on. I hope that the two of them can resolve it favorably.

    Now, I LOVE kissing and do not have any reservations about kissing someone with the following exceptions (halitosis, a very jacked up grill, someone who looks like he cannot keep his saliva in his mouth (a drooler), and if I kiss someone and they turn out to be an “attack kisser” meaning that they lick all over my face and try to eat my entire face (true story) I won’t kiss him again.

    I agree with you that a kiss is a very intimate activity and it signifies something that can be amorous, lustful, passionate, tender, urgent, relaxed, affectionate, playful or a combination of a few or all of those things.

    I guess I could have just written that I agree with El P! =)

  4. Put me down as one of those guys that is a FAN of kissing. Always have been, always will be.

    That could in and of itself just because I’m a very tactile person. I’m touchy-feely but I’m not. Kissing is like next level body language, so much can be conveyed. It’s like subconscious thought to me. It’s just something that comes natural.

    I KISS … THEREFORE I AM (lol)

    I don’t know. To answer my own questoins. A kiss signifies a lot. It’s like an unspoken statement that differs in meaning by its context (timing given/received). It definitely is an intimate action… and in that vein, is a necessary action.

    There’s a difference between not being a good kisser and not liking to kiss. Just like I’m sure there are a variant of reasons as to why some don’t like to kiss. So with that said, lemme re-focus my question in a blunt way…

    Why is it easier to fuck someone than it is to kiss them? Could it be (and go with me on this)… that those that don’t like to kiss … are really hiding the fact that they are fearful of commitment– of intimacy? Or am I looking too far into that?

  5. I think it’s an emotional thing. It’s a message conveyor. It’s a channel of feelings…it’s a gift. It can upgrade your mood for five minutes to a full work day, lol. It can calm you instantly, it can empower you; each one can give you a different message. It’s another way to communicate without actual words; especially when you are too breathless by the one in front due to other things going on *ahem* for you to speak, lol

    -See you later, babe! *muwaah*

    -*muwaah* Mmmm, you feel so good. *muwaah*

    -*muwaah* Hey, lover….

    -Thank you. *muwaah*

    -*muwaah* It’s going to be alright.

    -*muwaah x damn near infinity* (I’m on a mission.)

    Actually it sounds like to me, dude isn’t into foreplay. “Let’s just get into it?” WTF? He probably doesn’t even know what foreplay means. Does he even know how to spell it?

    Okay,okay, okay…he’s not a cave man…he knows the deal. So it’s deeper than that. We can only speculate here….maybe he has only had jump-off type of sex. Or, he may have deeper issues than not liking to kiss…some emotional trauma. Or maybe he DOES think kissing means I’m serious about you even if he is doing much more intimate things with his body parts…and in regards to who came up with that? Ignorant folks that thought they knew the business and it caught fire to other ignorant folks that can’t think for themselves….bottom line.

    Anyway, whatever the reason…for that young lady, there is a high probability it’s not going to work out. Like Nandi said, she can talk to him, get to the root of the problem but I will add ONLY if she is REALLY feeling him..otherwise, walk. He can’t expect her to do without kissing and she can’t expect him to do with kissing. To me, it’s time to move on…don’t even waste your time. You’ll be more frustrated than satisfied and its not even worth it especially when its obvious the next man is waiting on you. No one should have to accept the short end of the stick (not even him).

    Lastly, do I like kissing? Well, I’m a true Scorpio, lolololololol. Nuff said.

    L.C.

  6. Lady Chi, always a pleasure. Definitely enjoy your feedback…

    he may have deeper issues than not liking to kiss…some emotional trauma. Or maybe he DOES think kissing means I’m serious about you even if he is doing much more intimate things with his body parts…

    I really do think you’re on to something here ma’am.

    and in regards to who came up with that? Ignorant folks that thought they knew the business and it caught fire to other ignorant folks that can’t think for themselves….bottom line.

    2-for-2 quite possibly. I won’t say this is definitely the reasoning, but it sounds like a definite possibility.

    Oh and as for that Scorpio thing… C H U U U U U U C H !!! Let’em know. You’re actually the second one to reply, go figure, lol. What up EL P!?!

  7. From the moment of my 1st kiss (and the ego stroke that came along w/ that experience), I’ve always felt that getting a kiss from me was special and not everyone was going to get one. I can see not kissing a jump-off or a cut buddy or what have you, just cuz of what that entails, but I can’t see how a relationship can last w/o the most intimate display of closeness. Kissing doesn’t always have to be a part of the sexual gameplay for me though, as sometimes that carnal urge just takes over… If folks are not fans of kissing, they should know how to stoke the fires in other manners.. (a touch, the spontaneity, et al) Not everyone is gonna be on the same level as you on everything, so if they aren’t lacking in other facets, then you have to take the good w/ the bad. I dunno… I tend to enjoy the slight kisses and pecks… you know, the ones that make your hair stand up on your neck… as opposed to the ones stifling the ambience during game time.

  8. To me, kissing is very intimate. I mean beyond the peck and step scene, that is. I am an avid fan of kissing. It makes me feel so connected to the person. It reminds me of a more innocent time when kissing was all that was going to be done so you better make it real good! LOL!

    Not being able to enjoy kissing with my significant other would be odd and uncomfortable to say the least and would definitely diminish the intimacy level between us. Can’t fathom that with my spouse.

    I think because many may think kissing is so intimate, it may be THEIR reason why they are so stingy with it. On the other hand, they may not view sticking it or being stuck as that big of a deal so they can throw on the condom and do business without the emotional pull that kissing brings. *shrug* It’s a theory.

    As for me, I’m going to check my lipgloss now…

  9. By the way, that song “Kissing You” by Total is still one that just does something to me…love it.

  10. from Mr. Oliver– Kissing doesn’t always have to be about the sexual gameplay for me though…

    Couldn’t agree more. Like I said, I’M A FAN!!!

    from Queen– Not being able to enjoy kissing with my significant other would be odd and uncomfortable to say the least and would definitely diminish the intimacy level between us. Can’t fathom that with my spouse.

    Again, couldn’t agree more. I mean I’m years in with my relationship. But hell taking it back to the beginning, me being who I am and how I am… I personally could not be with someone who doesn’t like to kiss. For some odd reason those last few words looked and sounded soft (don’t ask me why, lol).

    But like I said in a prior comment, I’m too touchy-feely of a person. I crave that intimacy from my mate. Like I need it.
    =============

    Food for thought (again done bluntly):

    To the random person:
    You can take this dick… but I ain’t kissing you.

    To the random person:
    Did you just try to kiss me, you know we don’t do that. I know where your lips been… [insert str8face]
    =============

    BUT THE JUMP-OFF POSSIBILITIES ARE AN OPTION? Da’hell… just one of those things you (generally speaking), don’t question huh?

  11. Oh and I would PERSONALLY like to thank my girl Queen for giving props and sharing in the gr8ness and warm vibrations of yesteryear that was this song, “KISSING YOU” by Total.

    That is all… as you were.

  12. I am late up in here so everyone probably has said what I am about to say. however kissing to me is something I couldn’t do without in a relationship.

    Its just that serious to me because it at times if you know what you are doing can be way more official than getting some.

    Some brothas while not all, I admit, but some think for some stupid ass reason that kissing is not what playa, pimp, whatever the hell child like mind want to call themselves should do. To each his own but to me you do a woman a dishonest service not sharing a kiss with her especially if you wanna call her your significant other, better half, woman, partner something signifying she is yours and you are hers and you can’t share a kiss with that woman? Just makes no sense but like I said got the feeling this has been said before in some fashion by everyone here.

    Great topic.

  13. Dub said: Its just that serious to me because it at times if you know what you are doing can be way more official than getting some.

    P R E A C H !!! !! !

    And I think, don’t like speaking for people. But I think that is at least one reason, that those that are fans of kissing… are fans. Simply put…

    KISSING IS THE SHYT!!!

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