“Nice guys don’t finish last…

… they finish with the babe who’s a different race.”
– as said by @chuckholliday (via Twitter)
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Talk about a rather profound statement.

Not really sure where I want this post to go. So let’s just find out together. I don’t really see this being an issue across the races, so much so as it is one in the African-American community. But it’s an issue nonetheless.

When you ask black women what’s the biggest issue when it comes to finding a black man, to be in a committed relationship with, you normally get the same response. They’re either:

– gay
– on the down low (D.L.)
– married (but lying about it)
– or flat out… “they ain’t about shyt… .. .” – I just like hearing that one

However the one that isn’t often mentioned, but will cause a VERY noticable shift in attitude when brought up, is black men going outside their race (ESPECIALLY to date white women).

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Ladies… I have my opinions on why this is.. . but I’d prefer to hear from you all.

What’s the deal with your negative reaction to seeing a black man with a white woman? And does it make a difference if he’s with a woman of some other race (non-black / non-white)? Speak on it…

17 thoughts on ““Nice guys don’t finish last…

  1. I don’t see what the problem is… not everyone prefers their coffee black, ya dig. But hey, I might be biased some. Can’t wait to hear what folks have to say on this…

  2. ok…I honestly dont find anything wrong with interracial dating…especially when it comes to black women dating white men….everyone has their preference….besides…if you go back far enough…we all started out black in africa…LOL…I believe that SOME..not all..but SOME black people have that slave mentality in them where they feel that they should stay away from the “WHITE MAN/WOMAN” because of all the pain they put them through in the past….

  3. In general I don’t have a problem with interracial dating, Me being of mixed heritage how can I? I’ve never really had any thoughts on it until a few years ago and now I seem to ‘get in my feelings’ so to speak when I see a black man w/ a white woman because of my own hurtful experience. (Had a black man cheat on me and had a baby w/ a white woman). I feel (and this is my opinion) that black women who have issues w/ black men dating white women only do so because to have had a bad experience themselves or know someone really close to them that had one and it was because of a white woman. It could also be the way some black men portray themselves as ‘better’ {Case in point – the writer of that twitter comment} by having a non-black (mainly white) woman on thier arm to take care of or support them because we sista’s ‘have attitude’, etc.and the white woman stereotypically allows them to ‘be who they are’ (mainly dogs) not realizing how hurtful it is to us strong black women who could give them EVERYTHING that the white woman gives them but we cannon BE HER because we cannot change our skin color or hair…
    As for the ‘nice guys…finish with a babe who’s a different race’ comment, he probably decided to go outside of his race because of the type of women he dated in the past. It’s just sad to me becaue it means they gave up on us…

    I could say more but I guess I’ll stop there because much like any other topic IT’S ALL RELATIVE TO YOUR EXPERIENCE(S).

  4. Well I don’t have a problem with a Black Man going outside of his race as long as he doesn’t think it’s grounds to speak negatively about black women. And damn you can speak to a sista when you with your chick . Half the time they drop their head and look crazy. But the short of the long is just don’t forget your Momma is a black and enjoy.

  5. I agree w/Honee. If that’s who you love & want to be with, be proud about it and shout it to the world. BUT, mofo don’t kiss this chic’s azz then look at us like their shyt don’t stink … cause it dooooo!!! LOL

  6. Well I want to to say how I really feel and here goes:
    Black Men will suck the shit out of a white girls ass but in the same breath will look at a black woman and be like Bitch Please. All because they think there really is a difference. Like they don’t see it’s all pink.

  7. PL – u done opened up a can of worms here. But it makes for good debate so let’s go….

    I personally chose to be with a black man. I believe in my people. I believe in rebuilding the race and I think that starts with a recommittment to each other on the most basic level. In the global sense, I am down for black-on-black love and will always defend it because why would I NOT want to see MY PEOPLE loving each other. It’s as natural as air.

    Now breaking things down on an individual level, you love who you love and sometimes that will find a person (though not me) outside of their neighborhood so-to-speak. It happens. In a perfect world, it wouldn’t matter. But this is far from perfect world. There is still a lot of racism in this country. Still the sting of racism. Still a lot of separatism. Still stigmas. This may be the great melting pot but the brew is always boiling over now isn’t it. We are so pushed to define ourselves or “choose our sides” even if we are bi or multi-racial. We are not as far removed from slavery as we would like think we are.

    Off that for a minute – my reaction to bi-racial couples is not as strong as it once was. I was once a lot more affected by it. But let’s be clear about this. I am not a bitter black bitch that thinks there are no good brothers out there. Not at ALL. Further, I don’t have an issue with a brother who finds himself involved with a woman outside his race. I do have an issue with brothers who categorically dismiss sisters as an option for them based on some stereotypes (i.e. sisters are castrating, sisters are too mouthy, sisters are bitter, sisters don’t know how to treat a man, sisters are too bossy, other races are easier to get along with, etc…) That does disturb me. The same way it disturbs me when sisters say that all the GOOD BLACK MEN are married, gay, in jail or with white women. Not true.

    At the end of the day, I acknowledge that we DO have some issues within our house, folks, and I wish that we could stay IN HOUSE to remedy some of those issues instead running to the neighbor where things appear to be “better” (whatever better means for you). However, that is the IDEAL – whereas the REALITY is that folks are doing whatever works for them. Like I stated earlier, I have a problem with any Black man or Black woman who puts down their own hands down and bigs up another race because that level of exclusion leads to a much deeper issue.

  8. Nice replies so far ppl.

    For me, it never really has bothered me TOO much. I say this in jest, but a LOT of truth is spoken in that lane. As I have said to a few people in the past… as long as you are genuinely happy (1) and you aren’t picking from the bottom of the barrel (2) — do whatcha do.

    I know a lot of ppl (men/women) who are in bad relationships or that want to be in relationships, and for some reason or another can’t find the proper fit. It’s because of that, that I’m like, if you find you a good one, then you two hold on to one another… damn the world. Now I will admit no disrespect to my caucasian friends, but there really is nothing like seeing two black people in love. At the same time however, the one thing that really does equal that same view for me… is two people who are genuinely happy together regardless of race.

    + from Queen +

    I do have an issue with brothers who categorically dismiss sisters as an option for them based on some stereotypes (i.e. sisters are castrating, sisters are too mouthy, sisters are bitter, sisters don’t know how to treat a man, sisters are too bossy, other races are easier to get along with, etc…) That does disturb me. The same way it disturbs me when sisters say that all the GOOD BLACK MEN are married, gay, in jail or with white women. Not true.

    I couldn’t agree with that more. Black men who can’t deal with black women and choose to group them all into one sect of women, basically blackballing them, that’s some bull. The same for women. If you have preferences that’s one thing, but don’t just treat a race (your race) of ppl as outcasts and swear off of them, because you probably picked the same type of woman each time (not just the same race of woman).

    === on a completely superficial level (lol) ===

    If you’re going to date outside your race at least let it be for someone who is first rate. Someone on your level or higher appearance wise. Cause trust me fellas, if it’s one thing I’ve heard blk women dog a brotha out over HARSHLY… is when he is not only dating a white woman. But an unattractive white woman. LOL – I feel the same way when I see a FINE blk woman with a very just unkept so-so looking white guy. Hell I saw this FLY Asian woman one day at this cafe by the job, with this white guy that was just looking REAL regular. And I don’t mean in a, maybe she was work dressed and he was off so wearing whatever dressed. I mean just … yeah. I mean love and good treatment is one thing (and the most important), but … yeah, lol [this ends the superficial part of my rant].

  9. OH MY LAWD! Did Likwid go there? LOL!! Did he actually go there? “So if you gonna go white, make sure she’s a dime white chick!” Oh my lawd. See now? That’s a whole nutha talk show. Okay to date a so-so LOOKING sister but if you go white, make sure she’s fly, smart and rich, eh? Man, listen! I could take over this whole forum on a rant about that sh*t, but you know what? For now, I’m gonna leave that right there on the side of the road. Yessir. Not even allowing it to my gate, up the walk, on the porch and certainly not past my front do’! LOL!

  10. On some points I agree with Likwid. Because I Black Man will get with a white chick that look like the MITCHELIN MAN but a sista got got be shaped like Serena Williams.LOL

  11. There is a difference between being proud of your woman, no matter what race she is, and a man choosing outside his race because he thinks his own race, which would obviously include Black women in and outside their family due to upbringing and personal perceptions/ experiences, is subpar or simply from his perception that Black women are not included in our society’s standards of beauty or image he is trying to maintain (social or career). I have no respect for this type of mentality.

    I have always ‘placed’ myself in the shoes of interracial couples and understand that interracial couples can go through a lot depending on their experiences and circumstances and as a result, I am respectful towards their relationship. Trying to have a meaningful relationship is hard in itself without outside negative opinions and perceptions of persons on the outside looking in trying to tear down what they perceive as ‘incorrect’ which are typically from folks who don’t know you and/or your mate and even your relationship. So those White women or those Black men may have had a lot of situations where Black folks (and White folks, and other races in between) bash them and may assume that in crossing paths with me as a Black woman, I would try to challenge their relationship. Not so.

    Those who are in interracial relationships for the person’s character truly shows without any effort on their part that they are just two people who love each other like any other couple and therefore come across as genuine. I have nothing but respect for this mentality no matter the racial make-up of your relationship.

    I have always dated ‘in house’ and I have my reasons for that, but at the end of the day, whoever I date, Black man or not, I do because it’s him…not that foolywang. And I am definitely all good with those who do the same.

    L.C.

  12. that black women are the most beautiful black women out there…I just dont see the point in wanting anything else.

    that I am a lover of chocolate babies…not milk or butterscotch…and I feel like we are losing that slowly but surely

    i am also annoyed with the common view associated with dating another race….black women hold attitudes, we are ghetto and hood blah blah blah

    i hate trophies that other races are put on….indicating black women are not good enough

    often times mixed children are raised in a way that they know nothing about their heritage or the history of black ppl etc…

    some dont even consider themselves black

    sad

    I feel like “black” will not be a race anymore

  13. Oh snap! Hey, Queen!! *waving*

    I’m good…life is good! Workin’ on big thangs…all in less than ten months..so you know that means I stay popular, lolololol.

    Girl, foolywang is slang for any of these things: Step n’ fetch it, foolishness, clownin’, H.A.M. ( hot ass mess), extreme superficiality, stereotypes, assumptions….um, yeah.

    Pretty much means anything twisted…

  14. I just want to say that it is 2009, not 1960. Times are changing and people are not as segregated as they once were. Schools and workplaces are becoming more and more diverse and as a result you have a higher instance of “miscegenation”. Just because one might not share the same heritage as another, there are other connections that may draw them together; music, politics, religion, etc. If you get caught up in the racial component of a person and not see past that for the person they truly are, then you may miss out on something special that may open your eyes to something you may have missed out on otherwise. I think it helps you develop and expand your horizons because you can see things from other perspectives. At the end of the day, it is a personal choice and if one chooses to go that route, more power for them.

    There would be no Barack Obama, Alicia Keys, Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, etc. if it weren’t for their parents to buck the status quo and do what their heart wanted.

  15. I don’t have a problem with a black dating a women of any race. If he has found someone that makes him happy.. I am happy for that man. I never understood the problem that people have with this issue. You are attract to whom ever you feel a connection with, color should not matter.

  16. I’m in that same boat Sunny D (I appreciate the reply)

    In my opinion, whatever makes you happy… do that. I mean each and every person has their preferences and they are more than entitled to those. But, I personally feel (and I’ve heard/read that many feel this way), one of of the major problems is when a man or woman, completely shuns a race for overly generalized stereotypical reasons.

    That aside, hey… do whatcha do.

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