YKWIA – Chapter 3

Looking out the window, I am slapped in the face with a reality I chose to ignore when I was in discussions on the blueprints for this space.  There is no way in hell I’m going to get any work done with this desk right here.  This view is just too damn vast.  I love it.  Hmmm, maybe I can just move the desk, and put some couches or something over here.  Some bromeliads and a couple nice complementary trees maybe.  Out the corner of my eye I see my phone start to light up and vibrate… cue the ringer to go off in 3-2-1…


– Mr. Allen… line 1, Mr. Allen.. . HEY! –

That really never gets old.  “Good afternoon Lelani.”  Tell me that’s not a slick ringtone.

“So what do you think about the San Diego State proposal?”

“Looks pretty straight forward.  A simple reconfig of the plan we used for Carife Ferrara in Italy.  They’re level of support, interest and merchandise sales increased 219% a week after implementation.  We can use the same base principles.  Not to mention, I think this will be a nice project to include some of our new interns on.”

“Makes perfect sense.  What about SportsCenter?”

“Tah?”  Looking over at cover of Men’s Health magazine framed on the partial wall over my right shoulder with Tahriq Alexander on the cover.  “Shit, what about him?  Young cuz has taken our plan for him and blasted ALL THE WAY OFF.  Can’t say I am all that surprised.  He’s always been an intelligent dude.  Knows right from wrong and all that jazz, just had terrible control over his temper and didn’t fully understand he was the reason for his shortcomings.  Once we broke all that down to him, crafted his new media plan and set him up with Stefan, everything just clicked.  He has a meeting with T.I.’s people, for a possible affiliation with his AKOO clothing line in a couple weeks.  And I have Stefan working with Levi on putting together a proposal to present to Reebok.  Tah is adapting just fine.”

“So how do you like the final result of your new office?  I think it was really wise not to bite on the original contractors desire to go completely left of the buildings architecture…”


“Yeah D?”

“Can we blow right past the bullshit please.  You know we don’t get along real well..bullshit and I that is.”

“Sorry, I’m just nervous that’s all.  This wedding and the job and you and Jam not being like… I don’t know.”

I really am having a harder time with this then I let on.  But somebody has to be strong in this situation.  We’ve been together for a lonnng time.  It’s like a relationship that’s ended amicably after a number of years.  There’s that level of awkwardness, like, ‘so now what?’  Thankfully, she really is having as hard of a time with this as I am.  Or she would be able to see right through this act I’m putting on.  Then where would we be.  Probably on suicide watch or some shit.  Ehem… “Le’, you’ll be fine.  Samuel is a good guy.  You know that better than I do.  Once Jam gave him the go ahead stamp, it was a wrap.”

“Yeah I know.  But whose gonna take care of you two?  My favorite guys.  I already miss you.”

“Dad-ay… can I speak to Lelani?”

“HEY… pull yourself together, Jam is on the way to the phone.  Look, I don’t employ or hang around no punks.  I’m a grown ass man and Jam is far from being a baby.  Plus, you’re just getting married and changing jobs.  Not leaving the country, state or city even.  You still have keys to my condo  and VIP access to all properties and /or events with my name on them.  Hell, I’m gonna see you tomorrow at the duh duh duh-duh, duh duh duh-duh…stop being a baby.”

“Donte’ Allen you dirty mothe——-”

“Hi Lelani!”  Jam chimed in with perfect timing.

She’s cussing me all the way out right now.  And I really do not care one bit.  Quiet as kept, I talked to her a bit too long and I can feel my energy changing.  “Jam I’m about to go to the roof and see how construction is coming on the court, I’ll be right back.”  Getting up and walking across the office to the elevators, the sunset that is following me across the floor, simply starts shaking its head at me.  I’ve worked right through an entire day, AGAIN.



This is coming along fairly well.  I can already see this being circulated around the league.  One bit of copycat syndrome that is actually a good investment possibility.  Not to mention this solar-panel roof supplies pure green energy that also makes me green on the back end, since the energy is being circulated to and throughout the building.  JUMANJI!!!

“Aaaah… Fuck!!!”

“Okay you know what?  At … 6:47pm on a Saturday, I know I’m not hearing myself out loud up on the roof no less.”

“Damn… slow down… mmmph,” moaned what sounded like a man.

Yeah so check this out.  1399 New York Ave. NW Executive Towers, is a nice sized property.  Along with purchasing the entire 11th Floor and 1/16th of the 10th Floor, I also am paying for full exclusive use of half of the roof space.  Now I’m far from a cheap man, but I’m nowhere close to being a reckless spender.  What I am though is a man that firmly believes that what I pay for, is MINE.

Therefore, during non-office regular hours, there is absolutely no reason whatsoever for me to hear noises on my half of the roof that are not attributable to regular construction noises.  Sanding, sweeping, the banging of hammers onto nails, maybe some cement mixing.  Men cursing, inappropriate jokes maybe… testosterone, you know.  What I just heard, yeah not the kind of testosterone that should be coming off MY HALF OF THE ROOF!  Especially when I’m not involved, in the making of said noises.


And this 2 x 4 will do just nicely.  First motherfucker I see when I turn this corner is getting Hacksaw Jim Duggan’d on site.  “AH HELL NAH!!!  You nasty Dixie Sugar ass bammas!”

“AAAAAH!!!” exclaimed the man naked from the waist down spread eagle on a tarp laid over the parquet flooring for my court.

“You horny bitch made ass… ON MY PARQUET FLOORING!?!?!”

“Who the hell are you?” inquired the man fighting with his pants that fell off of the spread eagle ass giver-upper.

“Let’s see, how can I say this?  I’m the motherfucker who almost knocked your head onto 14th Street.  I’m also that same motherfucker, whose hardwood parquet flooring your too horny for your own shit ass is defacing.  MY PARQUET!?!  Your goofy ass got my voice cracking.  Man, you know what?”

–          Well if they’re making it, making it
Then they’re pushing it, pushing it
“Vitamin R” : Chevelle [ringtone]


“Well hello to you too…” says the soft spoken accented woman’s voice on the other end of the phone.

“What up Chan’?  Ey, man put your got damn clothes on!”

“Yeah so, did I catch you at a bad time?  Are you actually on the phone while some lucky woman is being serviced by the great Donte’ Allen?  FREAK!” she replies with an audible big grin on her face.

“Nah, I’m on the roof.”

“They’re finished with the roof already?  That doesn’t exactly sound like it’s the safest place to be.  I’m no architect, but that seems a tad too fast.  You sure you guys are safe up there?”

“Oh on the contrary.  The roof is not finished.  But yeah, I’m safe.  I can’t speak for these two though.”

“Wait hold on, ‘those two’.  FREAKzilla is what ze people call him.  Menage’ on an unfinished roof.  I go home to Marseilles and you become the offspring of Rick James?  Wow!”

And that right there did it.  My entire mood just got zapped.  The offspring of Rick James?  The hell.  “Nah Chan’, so in a nutshell, Jam and I came down to the office to get some work done.  I decided to come up to the roof and see how the construction was going on the court right.  So imagine my surprise when I get up here and hear a bamma say, ‘Aaaah… Fuuuuck… slow down!’  Imagine that Chan’.”

“Oh my damn!” she replies in an uncontrollable she just fell her ass on the floor, laugh.

“Right, so I go investigate, only to walk around the corner and find two construction workers, laying some steel beams in a hole on top of my damn parquet flooring.  The freaking Enrique and Laron Show.  These bammas are up here filming a new made for TV movie on some Logo Channel type shit man.  ON MY PARQUET!”

“Enrique and Laron though?”

“Man, are you on the floor.  Get off the floor Chante’!  Are you in the States?  You know Lelani is going to be looking for you tomorrow.”

“Yes dad.  I’m in LA right now.  Got here a few days ago.  My flight to National leaves in four hours.  Look, calm down.  Call their head of construction or building security, or Dog the Bounty Hunter or something.  But relax, whatever you do.”

“Did you say Dog the Bounty Hunter?”  And cue the laugh break.  Just what I needed, because I seriously was close to losing it.  “So hey, what do you think of the list of candidates for the soon to be vacant position opening up?  Le’ pick me out some winners?”

“Well, they aren’t bad looking on paper.  She told me she’s spoken to the group that made the second round of interviews and likes all five of them.  So I’ll see when I get there.  They’re all lined up to come in next week.  Hey before I forget, put down whatever you have in your hand and tell the fudge factory, their fate.”  Chante says with a laugh.

“Stop acting like you know me bamma.”  And putting the 2 x 4 down.  “I really do think we have similar strands of DNA running through us for real.  Your usual hotel reservations at the Sofitel are ready for you when you get in.  Check you tomorrow.  Here’s where you remove yourself from my phone.  Up and out lady, be safe.”  Pushing end on my cell and, “You two do me a favor and get your breakfast at Denny’s asses off my property.  Consider this your one strike, there is no room for a second.”

Walking away from conflict is an art that needs to be mastered by us all.  Besides, what they were doing was harmless.  Gay or straight, we all have urges.  But I ain’t got to be made witness.  Especially not on my damn parquet.

“What does ‘breakfast at Denny’s’ mean?”  inquired one of the two men of the other in a whisper.

“Rooty tooty fresh and fruity!”  I yelled back over my shoulder as I stepped thru the door to reach the rooftop elevator access.  “And be sure to place that piece of hardwood flooring and the two beneath it in the incinerator on your way out.  Security will be up here in ten minutes, fyi.  Have a nice day gentlemen.”  Hell the last thing I need is to be up here shooting around or entertaining and have visions of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.  Schnikey’s!!!