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“Nice guys don’t finish last…

“Nice guys don’t finish last…

Oct 14, 2009

… they finish with the babe who’s a different race.”
- as said by @chuckholliday (via Twitter)
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Talk about a rather profound statement.

Not really sure where I want this post to go. So let’s just find out together. I don’t really see this being an issue across the races, so much so as it is one in the African-American community. But it’s an issue nonetheless.

When you ask black women what’s the biggest issue when it comes to finding a black man, to be in a committed relationship with, you normally get the same response. They’re either:

- gay
- on the down low (D.L.)
- married (but lying about it)
- or flat out… “they ain’t about shyt… .. .” – I just like hearing that one

However the one that isn’t often mentioned, but will cause a VERY noticable shift in attitude when brought up, is black men going outside their race (ESPECIALLY to date white women).

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Ladies… I have my opinions on why this is.. . but I’d prefer to hear from you all.

What’s the deal with your negative reaction to seeing a black man with a white woman? And does it make a difference if he’s with a woman of some other race (non-black / non-white)? Speak on it…

17 comments

  1. Lady Chi /

    There is a difference between being proud of your woman, no matter what race she is, and a man choosing outside his race because he thinks his own race, which would obviously include Black women in and outside their family due to upbringing and personal perceptions/ experiences, is subpar or simply from his perception that Black women are not included in our society’s standards of beauty or image he is trying to maintain (social or career). I have no respect for this type of mentality.

    I have always ‘placed’ myself in the shoes of interracial couples and understand that interracial couples can go through a lot depending on their experiences and circumstances and as a result, I am respectful towards their relationship. Trying to have a meaningful relationship is hard in itself without outside negative opinions and perceptions of persons on the outside looking in trying to tear down what they perceive as ‘incorrect’ which are typically from folks who don’t know you and/or your mate and even your relationship. So those White women or those Black men may have had a lot of situations where Black folks (and White folks, and other races in between) bash them and may assume that in crossing paths with me as a Black woman, I would try to challenge their relationship. Not so.

    Those who are in interracial relationships for the person’s character truly shows without any effort on their part that they are just two people who love each other like any other couple and therefore come across as genuine. I have nothing but respect for this mentality no matter the racial make-up of your relationship.

    I have always dated ‘in house’ and I have my reasons for that, but at the end of the day, whoever I date, Black man or not, I do because it’s him…not that foolywang. And I am definitely all good with those who do the same.

    L.C.

  2. Hwy Chi – what is the definition of FOOLYWANG? lol! *what’s up, girl?*

  3. that black women are the most beautiful black women out there…I just dont see the point in wanting anything else.

    that I am a lover of chocolate babies…not milk or butterscotch…and I feel like we are losing that slowly but surely

    i am also annoyed with the common view associated with dating another race….black women hold attitudes, we are ghetto and hood blah blah blah

    i hate trophies that other races are put on….indicating black women are not good enough

    often times mixed children are raised in a way that they know nothing about their heritage or the history of black ppl etc…

    some dont even consider themselves black

    sad

    I feel like “black” will not be a race anymore

  4. Lady Chi /

    Oh snap! Hey, Queen!! *waving*

    I’m good…life is good! Workin’ on big thangs…all in less than ten months..so you know that means I stay popular, lolololol.

    Girl, foolywang is slang for any of these things: Step n’ fetch it, foolishness, clownin’, H.A.M. ( hot ass mess), extreme superficiality, stereotypes, assumptions….um, yeah.

    Pretty much means anything twisted…

  5. I just want to say that it is 2009, not 1960. Times are changing and people are not as segregated as they once were. Schools and workplaces are becoming more and more diverse and as a result you have a higher instance of “miscegenation”. Just because one might not share the same heritage as another, there are other connections that may draw them together; music, politics, religion, etc. If you get caught up in the racial component of a person and not see past that for the person they truly are, then you may miss out on something special that may open your eyes to something you may have missed out on otherwise. I think it helps you develop and expand your horizons because you can see things from other perspectives. At the end of the day, it is a personal choice and if one chooses to go that route, more power for them.

    There would be no Barack Obama, Alicia Keys, Halle Berry, Tiger Woods, etc. if it weren’t for their parents to buck the status quo and do what their heart wanted.

  6. sunnydelyte21 /

    I don’t have a problem with a black dating a women of any race. If he has found someone that makes him happy.. I am happy for that man. I never understood the problem that people have with this issue. You are attract to whom ever you feel a connection with, color should not matter.

  7. I’m in that same boat Sunny D (I appreciate the reply)

    In my opinion, whatever makes you happy… do that. I mean each and every person has their preferences and they are more than entitled to those. But, I personally feel (and I’ve heard/read that many feel this way), one of of the major problems is when a man or woman, completely shuns a race for overly generalized stereotypical reasons.

    That aside, hey… do whatcha do.