back to tell the people how it T-I-is / and if u don’t like the show, u can get the THIZZ / i don’t need no degree to speak on what i see / who needs dr. phil … cot dammit i’m me
the WHO LEFT THE WATER RUNNING
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to the one and only “Who Left the Water Running” Show. I am your host, the Incomparable me… how YA’LL DOing? Okay, okay, alright, alright. Today’s topic, maaan I don’t even think I have a description for it. So let’s just get into the title…
THAT’S JUST NAS(s)TY!!! !! !
(as per usual, EVERY story shared on the WLWR Show, is 100% true, names are abbrev. to protect the innocent)
On today’s show we have Grandma J aka, Just Call Me Ms. J and a return guest to the WLWR Show, my girl and yours, ms. L.A. from the WLWR episode, “BYTCHES… what happened to us fellas?“. Please give it up for today’s guest.
Now ladies, I’d like to start off first with Ms. J’s story if I may. How are you today Ms. Jackson?
Ms. J- well I’m doing fine, the weather has been good, so my joints aren’t giving me problems.
“Always good to hear. Well I recorded our interview from before, so we’ll just cue it up for the audience and let them see just what would make me say, ‘THAT’s JUST NAS(s)TY!’ Roll that clip…”
+ video playing +
ms. J laughing – I told her to stop talking to that man, cause he’s not right
PL- what, what’s going on?
“some old man got a thing for Aunt Helen?”
PL laughing – okay, so what’s wrong with that?
PL – yeah so I’m obviously missing something… ms. J can you fill me in please
ms. J- there’s this man that knows Helen, and he really has taken a liking to her
PL – okay
ms. J- he just recently started calling her on the regular, but he told her that he’s liked her ever since the first time he laid eyes on her 30 or so years ago
PL – oh wow, on some made for tv type stuff, I see
ms. J- but he talks to her really inappropriate like
PL – [ insert eyebrow raise ]
ms. J- he called her one time and told her, “if I could come over and just hold you or have you hold me for like 5 minutes, that would just make my day
PL – o… kay, so he’s on some ol’playa type vibe
ms. J- if you say so. Do you know I was talking to her one time and she asked me what an orgy was?
“GRANDMA… NO SHE DIDN’T”
PL – [ insert I’m bout to spit my juice out face ]
ms. J- all I could do was laugh at her. You know she used to be an English teacher, I don’t know how, sometimes she’s just so stupid
* PL laughing *
ms. J- so when I asked her why she was asking me about it, she said that he had mentioned it to her
PL – [ insert, what the hell face ] so is that what had you two tripping earlier
“oh no, it’s gets worse”
ms. J- she told me that last week, he called her and asked her to send him a pair of her panties
PL – [ passing slam the fuck out ]
“Grandma, ain’t Aunt H like 76?”
ms. J- yep, and he’s about the same age
PL – [ getting up to pass back out again ] THAT’S JUST NAS(s)TY!!!
+ video fades out +
NOW PEOPLE… dammit, shyt. Oops, sorry Ms. J. But c’mon now. Can you imagine a 76 year old man, asking a 76 year old woman to send him a pair of her panties. Like no… seriously!!!?!!! Now I was joking (not really joking), about being nice freaky and frisky at that age. But to ask for a woman’s panty-draws. Maybe it’s because I’m not the kinda guy to get off on stuff like that. I mean if I was on a business trip and the misses sent me a pair of her panty draws, as a little surprise to further put her in my mind while I’m away, that’s one thing. I mean but it’s people that sniff and do things with other ppl’s draws. That’s a bit overboard for me, but hey… whatever quenches your freaky desire, who am I to judge. But to get the reason why my instant reaction to this story was, “THAT’s NAS(s)TY, do this for me.
Close your eyes…
– now think of your grandmother or great grandmother
– now envision some man sitting at home, sniffing a pair of her panty draws
– YO’grandma’s 75+ year old panty draws
– yo dear sweet, lovable, brash, senile, over the top… whatever adjective.. . GRANDMA!!!
Now open your eyes… you’ll find airplane vomit bags under your seats for your assistance. One time everyone, say it with me.. .
“THAT’S NAS(s)TY!!! !! !”
+ commercial break +
Welcome back. I’d like to turn my attention now to our returning guest, ms. L.A. Now ms. L.A., last time you were here, you were apart of one of our more higher rated shows in recent memory. Dare I ask, what do you have for us today.
L.A. – Piss
PL – I’m sorry what?
L.A. – Piss
PL – riiiiiiiight, umm, hmmmm… .. . uh… what?
L.A. – Piss. So get this. I was chillin’ with my man at the time one night some weeks ago. I had gone out with my girls, called him up to see what he’s doing and went over to chill with him for a little bit. Well, I had already had a little bit to drink before I went over there. And had a couple more drinks with him once I was over there so…
PL – TRUTH SERUM, for those who didn’t know, alcohol ain’t nothing but nature’s truth serum… uh huh, go ahead
L.A. – ummm right, whatever. So, things started getting hot and heavy right
PL – ah shyt nah
L.A. – I know right, hands are roaming, lips are trekking… it’s sucking and rubbing going on
PL – yeaaaaaaah maaan, somebody get me some water
L.A. – so we’re on his couch, he’s naked, I’m naked… I’m hot and way past bothered. Ready to get my ride on
PL – damn, can somebody turn on the AC
L.A. – and all of that alcohol caught up with me and all of a sudden I had to go the bathroom
L.A. – do you know what that n ! @ @ a said to me?
PL – ummm, “you know where the bathroom is,” I don’t know?
L.A. – that bastard told me he wanted me to piss on him…
PL – what in the pink & blue hell… .. . maaan. HUH?!!!?!!!? You lying. Tell me you lying.
L.A. – if I was lying I’d still be with his crazy ass. He’s a pretty good dude overall. I had tried to overlook some other things that I had walked away from guys in the past because of. But that was without a doubt the last straw. You believe that… PISS ON HIM?
PL – . . . . . . w o w. So…
L.A. – don’t make me hit you. I made up some excuse about being tired, he was half drunk and tried to get me to stay. I went and used the bathroom, came back out fully dressed and bounced. Needless to say that was the end of us. He thinks I grew apart from him because of the other stuff in the past, but no my brother. Pissy Pete just killed any chance of us being together.
PL – I’m fiberglass-ted right now! So much so, that the show is over.
In conclusion: Maaan, if you a freak you a freak, shyt. But if your likes are “generally considered” normal… ease’em out on people. You don’t tell some woman, that you’re interested in, AT ANY AGE to send you some panty draws. And you don’t go telling people you want them to PISS ON YOU. Oh R.Kelly T-PEE-2008.com-ASS! If it ain’t known that you are dealing with a freak, test them, throw subtle warning shots at’em before you just come out on some here I am see me love type shyt.
FINAL WORDS… .. . in the words of the great American Philosopher Martin Lawrence, creep out the closet. Don’t come bustin’ out that bytch!!!
Until next time… CUE MY MUSIC.. . I’m Gon!